The new 'Troostplek' in the rectory garden of Merelbeke-Melle provides a space where grief can find a place, without haste and without the expectation that it will ever completely disappear. Parents who have lost a child themselves contributed to the creation of this place. "The absence is there. The Troostplek helps to make that visible," they state.
The support group 'Verbonden door verlies' (Connected by Loss) brings together people who have lost a child. Kristof Hoste and Catherine Verguts, both affected by the loss of a child, found each other in this group. Kristof lost his daughter Ella in 2017 after a sudden illness, while Catherine's son Sander suffered from a brain tumor. Through projects like Studio Nona, which brought art, music, and play into homes for families with childhood cancer, Catherine learned about the support group.
The 'Troostplek', located in the rectory garden next to the library, is open to anyone who misses a child, misses someone else, or simply wants to rest for a while. Central to it is a tree-shaped artwork, symbolically referencing a weeping willow and a ginkgo, a symbol of resilience and hope. Leaves with the names of deceased children will be added to the branches.
"It should be self-evident that such a place exists," says Kristof. "That's why it was difficult that it took so long." Catherine adds: "Making the names visible was important to us. They create space for our deceased children and for our grief. People don't have to be strong. They are allowed to grieve. The Troostplek makes it visible that emptiness and absence can also have a place."
There is also a mailbox for personal letters to those who are missed. Catherine organizes writing courses on change and loss, emphasizing that taking the time to reflect on the person one misses will naturally bring words forth.
The support group emphasizes that asking questions about loss is welcome, as not asking can sometimes be more painful. They encourage mentioning the name of a deceased child, which can be a small but meaningful gesture. Both Catherine and Kristof have written down their experiences of loss in books: 'Kraanvogel, vlieg – afscheid van een kind' (Crane, fly – farewell to a child) and 'Een jaar zonder prinses Ella' (A year without Princess Ella).
Recently, parents in Merelbeke-Melle can symbolically register their star child in the star registry, regardless of the gestational duration or age at which the child died. This registry offers recognition and is free and non-binding. Parents receive a personal keepsake certificate after registration via the Civil Affairs department or online.
The support group annually organizes World Candle Lighting Day on December 13th, a moment to light a candle for all families who have to miss a child. This year, at 6 PM, a warm and serene moment will take place in the foyer of the Cultuurhuis. Participants are asked to mention the name of their child(ren) when registering.
More information about the 'Troostplek' can be found at merelbeke-melle.be/troostgemeente. Contact details for Civil Affairs and the House of the Child are available, as well as information and contact details for the support group Verbonden door verlies.
